The importance of taking your losses, in love.
Sunk Cost Fallacy: the habit of continuing a bad investment, project, or relationship simply because you have already put time, money, or effort into it.
As I reflect on the things I’ve allowed to hold me back, I noticed a trend: I didn’t have the discipline to leave when my discernment told me to, and it cost me more than the emotions that come with letting go.
Before I got into my own serious relationships, I watched the people who raised me do the same thing, and I realized… when we settle in spaces we are outgrowing, we dilute our destiny. So, it’s best to learn how to leave.
For this entry specifically, I will be focusing on misaligned relationships*, but this can be applied to anything we are pursuing.
SO, what changed?
I’m blessed to have two examples of what happens when you settle for relationships because of time, effort, and insecurity.
Example A: A woman in survival mode who always desired love put up with less than she deserved. Even as her body kept the score of the constant weight placed on her, she refused to leave because of children, time invested, a cycle of toxicity, and the money she’d lose. Ultimately, she was left with the very thing she feared the most: a lack of healthy love.
Example B: A woman who was pressured to settle down because of her age refused to be with anyone God didn’t approve of, regardless of time invested or societal pressure. Eventually, she found the person she had been praying for: someone who keeps her stress levels low, retired her early, and thanks God for her existence everyday. Ultimately, she was left with the very thing she desired the most: healthy love that pours into her and the people she loves.
Neither woman is better than the other. They desired the same thing, but their willingness to pursue it without unnecessary compromise reflected in how things panned out long-term.
Then there’s me. A woman pursuing a path that most won’t understand. Who’s had many great relationships, yet in each, I was faced with the decision to follow my heart’s desires, or get in where I fit into their world.
While that decision may seem easy to some, my intuition always told me the truth – even when my insecurities told me to follow through on what was presented in confusion.
Change’s Truth
When determining the company you keep and the path you pursue, remember this:
- When you settle, you dilute your destiny.
Staying with the wrong people can prolong the time it takes to receive what you’re meant to have. The seeds you plant can only grow so much in a pot that is too small for how tall you’re meant to grow. Being able to take your losses in love, let go, and allow time to tell will save you years of “what ifs” and “I wish I would haves.”
- Just because they aren’t toxic, doesn’t mean they’re sent to be in your life for a lifetime.
I am big on trusting your discernment. Confusion is not a reason to override your intuition and force a decision. Sometimes the only way to know something is meant for you, is to let it go and let fate bring it back naturally.
- The beauty of letting go is learning and being able to do it better on the road to what you desire.
Leaving a relationship behind, regardless of the nature of it, is not rude; it’s integral. Let the company you keep be a reflection of your discipline and not your insecurity.
And with all due respect, a lot of people are bored. If you pour into the right things, you’ll notice you don’t have to force what was always meant for you.
In conclusion,
Not knowing how to leave leads to settling, and settling is basically telling yourself you don’t deserve better. It shows a lack of faith that there is better, and that you don’t have to go looking for it or hold onto something your gut is telling you to let go.
Whether you ignore it or not, eventually, you will have to pick a side – or someone else will make the decision for you.
You can’t ask God to heal you, while staying loyal to what’s hurting you.
Best regards,
Cloud Nubia
Feel free to reach out if you have any questions about this subject, we can all learn from each other: nubiahere@gmail.com
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